Things No One Told Me About Pregnancy

When I first began this journey towards motherhood, I only had a vague idea of what to expect from reading articles, from general knowledge about science because...SCIENCE, and I still had no clue until I put all of this into practice. I have had to rely quite a bit on my mommy friends in order to ask them about whether or not something has been standard or acceptable from the first flutters that I felt to the contractions that I now experience. So this list is just a small compilation of the foolishness that has befallen me these past 4574564 weeks.

• I expected the cravings to subside, and in many severe ways, they have. While the scent and food aversions are not as strong now, the food desires persist and it's usually a preference for indulgent things. I devoured beef carpaccio over the weekend in a manner I hadn't managed since before pregnancy or since before bypass for that matter. Yeah, I know...no undercooked meats or unprocessed cheeses. TUH!

• I did not realize that, when I un-ironically referred to foetuses as parasites, it was that wildly accurate. I love my daughter, but she takes everything that I have. I already had anemia and that was a predictable outcome for me, but I have low everything because she is taking what I have first and then I have nothing left on the back end. Low vitamin B-12 is now a thing I have to deal with during this pregnancy and it is responsible for a lost day in pay because I was too tired to function at work. I was completely unable to focus or accomplish the same, repetitive tasks that I had been doing for months now. It was difficult to even lift my head at my desk and I wouldn't risk falling asleep on the job. So, hope I went. And the next day, after being fed and then subsequently comatose at home, I was a completely new person.

• I am equal parts lazy and productive these days. I have been pushing myself to accomplish many things and everything. What that does do my is create a feeling of overload which results in my sitting down to take it all in. I have been patting myself on the back for accomplishing the little things...but now I have to put things into overdrive because I have limited time left before she arrives in which to get anything done and that may or may not include a move to a new place for us to live.

• You can simultaneously be on top of things and wildly behind the learning curve. I thought that I was doing good to have bought my breast pump, but I should have been firming up my birth plan, finding a pediatrician, and childcare. This one threw me for a loop. Lucky, I'm just about the last of my friends to have children so I inquired amongst them about the pediatrician that they take their children to see and it is a bonus that most of my friends are nurses so I trust that they like their chosen pediatricians for more than just being personable. This is my brownie, the only child I'l ever have, so she must be in good hands at all times.

• DIAPERS. They aren't just for the baby. Listen...I never thought that I would be so comfortable with the idea of adult diapers, but I am now. I acquired a few because I was anticipating inevitable post-partum bleeding. However, It became VERY clear that they would be needed long beforehand as I am at times n need of a restroom with none in sight. As frequently as I have to go, it bothers me tremendously that I get up, waddle to the restroom, and then hover over the toilet for trickles. The advantage to what I have now begun to do is that it actually strengthens my pelvic floor because, as an adult, all of your instincts are screaming at you to stop eliminating and your muscles will take coaxing to even allow it to happen. Then, it's there for involuntary leakage as well. It's embarrassing, but absolutely necessary and I just didn't see it coming.

• The insurance struggle. I am so irritated by the things insurance doesn't cover at this time. I have dual coverages and there's still a question about what blood glucose monitor is covered or not. Why do I need a glucometer? Because I have had gastric bypass and I might be at risk for gestational diabetes, but they don't know yet without the glucola test that I refused to take because I KNOW that my body would've responded negatively to too much sugar coursing through my blood. They would've incorrectly assumed that I was diabetic after flooding my body with too much sugar that it can no longer process. I know that I made the right decision for my body, but now I get to be inconvenienced by constant blood sugar checks.